Who Said Cowboys Don’t Cry?
By Mikii B
| 2/22/22 |
In honor of his memory, his family and friends hosted an event in Santa Cruz, in the hometown of the Vape God. There’s not much I can say without crying. Oliver Tree was one of the most influential musicians in my life and I was lucky enough to see him back in 2022, for the Cowboys Don’t Cry Tour. He was and still remains to be, one of the best performers out there. He always gave everything he had and created shows that not only showed the love for his music but his fans too. Every show always had inside jokes he had created with his fans through the internet, BMX, special guest appearances from Little Ricky ZR3 and the return of many of his iconic outfits and characters. My favorite memory I have, and I will never forget, is how he turned the whole venue into a hotbox for “All That” when I saw him in San Francisco.
I always knew there was something different about me. I never quite fully fit in anywhere. I was always a little more energetic, awkward, happier, depressed, silly, weird, overall stranger than most. I just accepted it, embraced it, and found my way. Eventually I made friends and family with the people who accepted me, for me. But there were days, especially in a post-covid world where even when I was surrounded by my bestest friends that I couldn’t stand myself. It was as if these voices in my head were constantly questioning me,“Why am I so weird?” or “Why can’t I connect with people?” and most times, “What’s wrong with me?”
| My OT doodle |
Then one day as I was folding clothes at work, one earbud tucked in, listening to a podcast. I found him. Immediately, I was drawn in; the colors, the jokes, the point of his message, he spoke to me. Oliver Tree was on zoom, in a scooter, bandaged up and played his music video for Cash Machine. I went back out to the floor that night and closed the store listening to his album, Ugly is Beautiful.
Alien Boy and Out of Ordinary were songs that will forever resonate with me on a deeper level. Alien Boy specifically, was a song that made me not feel alone anymore. “When I’m Down” kept me going while I was navigating treacherous waters as I went on an emotional journey. Between the years 21-22, I was focused on attempting to heal my inner child. I started therapy. “Welcome to LA” was the first song I played when I finally bought my first car. Hurt and Jerk, helped me through bad fights I had, had at home. Freaks & Geeks helped me accept the worst parts of myself, the parts that got me kicked out of ballet class and bullied in elementary school. My best friend at the time and I almost died traveling to see him (I wish I was joking). It’s a result of the passion and love we had, not only for his music, but our friendship.
| What I brought home from Dallas |
His message of loving and accepting yourself, the beautiful, the ugly, the weird came to me when I needed to hear it the most. The first time I traveled on my own, I went to Dallas for a job. I had gotten a position selling insurance and they had invited me to go visit headquarters. That’s when I knew a life in sales was not for me. But I did get to go to a record store on that trip and saw my first ever Oliver Tree albums in real life. At this point in my story, I had been listening to him for years and I couldn’t imagine leaving them. So I bought them that day and flew back home clutching onto them. I still draw him a lot, he has always kept a covenant spot on my youtube rewind, I simply love him. I do yoga to Sacred Elements. The countless hours spent in my room alone with him when no one was there, is insurmountable.
| me in my Oliver Tree shorts |
This last album, like all the others before, came out while I was wrapping up my master’s program. Again, a VERY low point of my life. I should have been excited, but I was only stressed, breaking out and left feeling those feelings of not being good enough again. Ultraman, Deep End and Glow On kept me going. I was excited to see him with my boyfriend in the fall. I finally got my ADHD diagnosis after 27 years, and I was relieved that I am an Alien Girl.
Oliver was also there for that journey. I played him many times on my radio show. He was there for my longer drives while I did nothing but cry. I wouldn’t have this blog if it wasn’t for him saying, “If you have a dream. If you want to do something with your life. Go do that shit!”
I do at times feel like I won’t know how I’m going to go through life without him to remind me that ugly is beautiful, that I’m a dumbass but people love that, and to glow on. He was truly one of the last artists of our time but I know I am not alone grieving his loss. We're in this together cowboy.
